Love Until We Bleed
by simpleinteractions
Summary: Alice was trying to live her life after leaving the Joker's clowns. But after a run-in with the Joker, what is she going to do? Her secret love for him has blossomed again, but can she really say no to him to keep her sanity?


Running away isn't really worth it if you have no plan. I didn't bother with a plan when I left since I'm not one to do plans. This is where no plan left me: no money, exhausted, cold, and leaning against a dumpster in one of the many alleys located in Gotham.

At the moment I wasn't the only one occupying the alley and calling it home but I was fine with it. The guy, Rob, wasn't bothering me. He was sleeping peacefully under piles of old ratty blankets just like I should be. I had chosen to walk the streets at night and sleep during the day. Only when I needed money for food did I bother venturing out of the alleys I called home to borrow someone's wallet. Yes, borrow. I always returned the wallet sooner or later by putting it in their mailbox. They just were missing all the money. Nothing major.

With a sigh I stood up. I needed to get some money soon. I hadn't eaten in days making me feel weak. Weakness and the streets didn't mesh well together. Especially if you were a skinny girl that had the looks of a model. I'm not going to lie. I was often mistaken as a model and I hated it. I hate models. They annoy me. So, to be mistaken as a model is a real insult to me.

As I slung my bag over my shoulder I glanced at Rob's sleeping form. I could ask him to come with me so I could help him get the food he needed but at the same time I really didn't want anyone to tag along. People like that were always burdens. The only thing they were good for was when walking at night. You could easily risk their life for your own. I shook my head and gave Rob a helpless look then walked out of the alley into the world.

Gotham outside of the alleys was like stepping into another world. There were rich successful people roaming the streets talking on cell phones and not paying attention to the world around them. People who didn't seem to care that a 19 year old girl was walking into the daylight wearing torn up skinny jeans and a dirt covered t-shirt. That thought reminded me I needed to go to the laundry mat.

I walked until I was standing in front of a bank. People rushed up and down the stairs around me while talking on cell phones, carrying briefcases, and/or chatting with the people around them. They all annoyed me with how they didn't seem to care that a homeless looking girl was starving about to pass out while standing right in front of them. It was like they were all blind. But complaining about them made me realize that I just wanted their pity and that annoyed me even more.

I searched quickly for that one person who would be lucky enough to pay for my food supply for the next few days. Every now and then I would look at my wrist pretending there was a watch there acting like I was waiting for someone that was late. Since I was already annoyed and it clearly showed on my face I didn't have to do much acting.

As I, once again, looked up from my wrist I spotted the perfect fool. He was a heavy set man with a balding spot at the back of his head. I let out a little giggle but covered it back up with the annoyed look I had last time. The man was placing his wallet in his coat pocket as he wobbled away from the steps of the bank. I licked my lips seeing the shiny Rolex on his wrist. My heart jumped at the fact that I could finally eat again. I let an irritated expression cross my face as I moved down the steps in the direction of the lucky fool.

I walked quickly to catch up the man since, like most people in Gotham, he seemed to be in a hurry. When I was just behind him I walked a little quicker till I was about to pass him. I slowed just a bit so I was able to reach into the man's pocket and retrieve the wallet. When I had it firmly in my hand I bumped into him.

"Oh! Sorry sir."

I passed him quickly then ducked into an alley. When I was safely behind a dumpster and had taken a seat I went through the wallet. It had a few new 50's and a couple 20's. It was enough to pay for a week's worth of food and a trip to the laundry mat. As I began standing up a shadow loomed over me. I looked up to see the one face I hadn't seen I a long time and hoped to never see again.

"Hello Alice."

"J."

I crossed my arms as I stared into the dark eyes of the Joker. He didn't scare me like he scared others and I sure wasn't into any of the "tricks" he performed on a daily basis in Gotham. At least, I was no longer into that stuff. When I was part of his little group, when I was broken and messed up in the head I cared and enjoyed watched the clown antics but now, now I could care less.

"Aw, no hello hug for your old boss."

Yes, I admit I wanted to hug him desperately. And it was the reason I wanted to hug him that made me quit. He had promised me if I could get out of the warehouse alive I could quit and run off. That's what really led me to where I am today. Yes, I admit I am in total love with the Joker and yes, I hate myself for it.

"I'm good. What are you doing here?"

"Well doll, I noticed how you've been...handling your living situations and I have to say I am greatly disappointed in you."

He looked at me with a fake disappointed look on his face and wagged hid finger at me like he was lecturing a little kid. It just made me want to break his finger. Just because I love him doesn't mean I won't hurt him.

"So, what's it to you?"

"Well doll, I think you should work for me again."

"And if I say no?"

"I'll shoot you."

His face was serious as he spoke but I didn't believe one word of it. He had often threatened me when I worked for him and never once did he actually do what he said he was going to. It often piqued my interest along with the other henchmen when he did this. But never once did I take a minute to suggest it was the cause of something else.

"No."

"Don't test me Alice."

"No. No. No. No. NO!"

The last no I screamed in his face. Even if he offered me a million dollars I would never go to work for him again. That was hell on my mind. Immediately I was backed into one of the walls. When had we gotten away from the dumpster? I didn't bother questioning it out loud since it was a stupid pointless in this situation.

"Just get in the van and work for me again.

He pointed to a white van parked at the back of the alleyway. Still I shook my head and mouthed the word no. Just as I finished mouthing the word I felt his lips crash against mine. It was a rough sloppy kiss but none the less it made me legs feel like noodles. I hated feeling like this. I shoved him away to breath then looked up glaring at him. I was gasping for air when I saw the smirk on his face. He had done it just to tempt me to join his "gang" again. It was low even for him. I wiped off my mouth with the back of my hand and walked away.

"Where are you going Doll?"

"Away from you!"

I ran till I was out in the open. To my surprise there weren't many people out. I, being the dumb one, had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk right in front of the opening to the alley. I realized it when I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist pulling me back into the alley. I screamed scratching at the arms and glanced around frantically at the people walking around me. None of them even glanced my way. I was invisible. I gave up feeling upset and alone then pissed.

"See doll. No one really cares. Just come back to the warehouse and work for me."

"Fine."

No, I didn't give up. I had a plan and involved my life. The Joker was right no one really cared. Everyone was always pretending just like he had just moment ago. He would and could never return the feelings I had for him. It was mentally impossible for him to love and in all honesty. He was the only one I was living for.

When I was about to climb into the van I grabbed onto one of the henchmen's coat and took the gun they were holding. Then I backed away quickly holding it to my head. Immediately everyone stopped and I could see the horrid look on the Joker's face. That look soon turned to anger and he began stomping towards me.

"Don't come closer or I'll shoot myself."

"I don't believe you."

"Why not J? I did everything else I said I was going to do. Why wouldn't I do this?"

I could see the realization on his face then he glared and turned away from me.

"Fine. Don't work for me. See if I care."

I smiled a sad smile at the last thing he said. That's all I needed to hear from his mouth. I watched as his back disappeared into the front seat of the van and I watched as tears rolled down my face as the van turned around facing me and that's when I did it. I freed myself from the hurt.

-

As I got into the van I could hear the soft sobs coming from her mouth. Why the hell was she crying? She didn't need to freaking cry. I told her she was free so what the hell was she freaking crying? I growled in agitation as I started the van and turned it around, not caring if I wrecked it in the process, to face the opening of the alley. There she was, still holding the gun to her head. I stared in confusion until the bang rang out.

I dropped my hands from the wheel as emotion after emotion swept over me. That didn't just happen. She didn't just kill herself. What the hell? I pushed the door open in anger and I slipped out the van. I stomped over to her bloody body on the ground and stared with my head tilted. She didn't look real. She was too beautiful even with all the blood on her and the hole through the side of the head to look real. Not like all my other victims.

I licked my lips as the urge to kill someone swept over my. I picked up the gun she had used and pointed it to the one henchman that had gotten out of the car then I pulled the trigger.

"Anyone that gets out of the van dies!"

These henchmen were really too damn stupid. I needed to hire some smart ones like Alice. Alice was the only one I could stand. The only one I told my plans to, whenever I actually decided to have a plan, and if she found something wrong with them I let her fix them. She was the only one I could think of. Did I love her? Yes. Would I have ever told her? No. But that was for her own good. She was the only one I never wanted to hurt.

I growled and glared as I made my way back to the van. I was carrying her body and placed her in the seat the dead henchman used to be sitting in. I floored it until we stopped in front of the building that used to be her home. I pulled her out then kicked to door down and placed her on her bed on the second floor of the house. She had forgotten where she lived but that was my own fault.

When I left the house I glared at each henchman.

"Fill `er up."

I watched the street as I waited for those slow henchmen to finish. I knew this was the way she would've really wanted to go. When they announced they had finished I peeled out of the driveway and as soon as I got to the corner of the street I pushed the little red button on the remote she used to use to blow things up with. The blast echoed but I didn't even bother laughing because for once, this wasn't a laughing matter.


End file.
